Generally speaking, if a man wishes to speak about Islam then there is benefit for the believers. As we say in our traditions, a believer never tires of hearing goodness.
There is, however, a time, place, and ettiquette for all things. For example, we do not give a speech about the miracle and blessing of a new birth at an individual's funeral. Most of us understand this. It is, afterall, common sense.
I attended the wedding of my wife's sister this weekend. An invited speaker sat in the lobby waiting for his turn to comment about the marriage. I found it odd that he choose not to mingle actively with the wedding guests and enter the embrace of the wedding spirit. He was also vaguely familiar to me but I could not place a name to his face.
As an important disclaimer, neither the bride and her parents nor the groom and his family had invited this speaker. The story of how he came to be at this wedding is a different tale which need not be told.
As the time for the wedding cermony dawned, I sat with my wife to the right of the stage. We saw the speaker stride to the microphone and begin his talk. He spoke for over ten minutes but I will summerize his talk in several lines:
There is, however, a time, place, and ettiquette for all things. For example, we do not give a speech about the miracle and blessing of a new birth at an individual's funeral. Most of us understand this. It is, afterall, common sense.
I attended the wedding of my wife's sister this weekend. An invited speaker sat in the lobby waiting for his turn to comment about the marriage. I found it odd that he choose not to mingle actively with the wedding guests and enter the embrace of the wedding spirit. He was also vaguely familiar to me but I could not place a name to his face.
As an important disclaimer, neither the bride and her parents nor the groom and his family had invited this speaker. The story of how he came to be at this wedding is a different tale which need not be told.
As the time for the wedding cermony dawned, I sat with my wife to the right of the stage. We saw the speaker stride to the microphone and begin his talk. He spoke for over ten minutes but I will summerize his talk in several lines:
Assalamu Alaikum,
Yo Yo! Got a couple words for ya'll about weddings and marriage in Islam. Just so you don't get it confused, let's do a little cheer so I can spell it out for all my peoples!
First, give me a K!
Now give me an H!
Now give me an I!
Now give me an L!
Now give me an A!
Now give me an F!
Now give me an A!
What's that spell, folks?! That's right!
Wedding!
Oh, by the yeah, this event is all haram (religiously unlawful). Ya'll need to get your minds right!
Abu Talha out!
I'd probably respect the man a little more if that actually was the exact content of his speech. Unfortunately, for all those who attended, they were forced to listen to a man find some weak and delirous connection between harmony in marriage and why the Muslim Ummah must re-establish the khilafa (a central leadership authority or caliph). Then, he remarked about the un-Islamic nature of the wedding and made his exit.
Too late did I recognize the man as Mohammed Malkawi, who is otherwise known as Abu Talha. Malkawi is one of the leaders of the Khilafa hungry Hizb ut Tahirr group in Chicago. Regardless of how you feel about their ideology, tactfulness and respect are obviously not aspects of their methodology.
First, a political speech has no place at a wedding especially when neither the bride nor the groom have any interest in broadcasting Hizb ut Tahirr's message at this occassion. If Malkawi had the common sense to get approval from either the bride or groom before the fact, his speech would have been legitimate. Arrogantly, he chose not to do so.
Second, a wedding speech should be loving, personal, and touch close to home. The second speech given by an imam (religious cleric) close to the groom's family oozed with love, charisma, and left every person in the hall smiling. Alhumdolilah, the words of love quickly chased away Malkawi's speech like a brilliant sun chasing darkness as it emerges from a dark storm cloud.
Lastly, as for those last words, there is a time and place for Islamic advice. In this setting, it is important to note that families sat together and I personally viewed no instance in which single women and single men were mingling together at a common table. For the most part, tables were either all men or all women.
As Malkawi would have no way of knowing the individuals who mingled since he choose not to include himself, in any way, in the actual wedding party, it would have been Islamically appropriate for him to give the benefit of the doubt. In our traditions, the Muslim gives his fellow brother 70 excuses before assuming the negative. Furthermore, the original intent of the wedding had been to put men on one side and women on another but the dashingly handsome young man greeting guests failed to point this out in a timely manner. (Sorry everyone!!)
There was some music and no dancing. The vast majority of the guests were dressed well and modestly. It was a beautiful event and far better than many of the weddings I have attended in the past both in terms of enjoyment and conformity with Islamic principles. Was it perfectly along Islamic principles? No. But show me a man who calls himself perfect and I will show you a liar.
Rather than applaud the goodness in the wedding, however, we were forced to focus on what was still lacking. And if we only focused on what was lacking in each individual it would be the death of all compliments and recognition of goodness. Islam is a journey and man is inevitably flawed. Do you really think God's intent was to have us only point out each other's flaws at every turn as we attempt to cling to the steadfast path?
That being said, I disgreed more with the timing than the content of his last remarks which declared the wedding an unIslamic setting. It is proper in Islam to speak against what one percieves to be evil or wrong as a famous hadith states the following:
Too late did I recognize the man as Mohammed Malkawi, who is otherwise known as Abu Talha. Malkawi is one of the leaders of the Khilafa hungry Hizb ut Tahirr group in Chicago. Regardless of how you feel about their ideology, tactfulness and respect are obviously not aspects of their methodology.
First, a political speech has no place at a wedding especially when neither the bride nor the groom have any interest in broadcasting Hizb ut Tahirr's message at this occassion. If Malkawi had the common sense to get approval from either the bride or groom before the fact, his speech would have been legitimate. Arrogantly, he chose not to do so.
Second, a wedding speech should be loving, personal, and touch close to home. The second speech given by an imam (religious cleric) close to the groom's family oozed with love, charisma, and left every person in the hall smiling. Alhumdolilah, the words of love quickly chased away Malkawi's speech like a brilliant sun chasing darkness as it emerges from a dark storm cloud.
Lastly, as for those last words, there is a time and place for Islamic advice. In this setting, it is important to note that families sat together and I personally viewed no instance in which single women and single men were mingling together at a common table. For the most part, tables were either all men or all women.
As Malkawi would have no way of knowing the individuals who mingled since he choose not to include himself, in any way, in the actual wedding party, it would have been Islamically appropriate for him to give the benefit of the doubt. In our traditions, the Muslim gives his fellow brother 70 excuses before assuming the negative. Furthermore, the original intent of the wedding had been to put men on one side and women on another but the dashingly handsome young man greeting guests failed to point this out in a timely manner. (Sorry everyone!!)
There was some music and no dancing. The vast majority of the guests were dressed well and modestly. It was a beautiful event and far better than many of the weddings I have attended in the past both in terms of enjoyment and conformity with Islamic principles. Was it perfectly along Islamic principles? No. But show me a man who calls himself perfect and I will show you a liar.
Rather than applaud the goodness in the wedding, however, we were forced to focus on what was still lacking. And if we only focused on what was lacking in each individual it would be the death of all compliments and recognition of goodness. Islam is a journey and man is inevitably flawed. Do you really think God's intent was to have us only point out each other's flaws at every turn as we attempt to cling to the steadfast path?
That being said, I disgreed more with the timing than the content of his last remarks which declared the wedding an unIslamic setting. It is proper in Islam to speak against what one percieves to be evil or wrong as a famous hadith states the following:
Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri: Allah's Messanger (S.A.W.) said, "Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he must change it with his hand; if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest form of Faith." (Sahih Muslim)
It's important to note both the words "must" and "change." By stating "must," this makes the above passage an obligation. To act against evil can often be difficult but one must at least recognize that evil in his heart and keep his heart from being attracted to evil.
Change, however, is the other operative word in the hadith. It is not simply that a man "must act" but that a man "must change." Malkawi's tactless words did not bring change to the crowd and only distanced hearts from Iman (faith or belief in Islam) by taking a polarizing and accusatory stance.
All change comes from God. From God also comes the Quran and our ability to reason. If we want to affect change, we need to properly implement the tools God has given us. If we fail to use the most basic tools granted by God, than we are not attempted to make legitimate change. We are acting rashly, disrespectful, and ignorantly.
From the Quran, we learn that God told the Prophet Musa (Moses) (A.S.) to approach the Pharoah gently. It is important that a Muslim be aware of his situation when forbidding evil and enjoining good. If one was to approach the Pharoah without gentleness, one would polarize the issue immeadiately and the Pharoah's heart would not incline towards Islam.
God was fully aware that the Pharoah would reject the message. This lesson to Musa (A.S.) however is a lesson to all of us. If we are commanded to approach the enemy of Islam gently, then how should one approach his own Muslim brother and sister?
Also from the Quran, there are many other passages of significant note. Here are two in particular:
Change, however, is the other operative word in the hadith. It is not simply that a man "must act" but that a man "must change." Malkawi's tactless words did not bring change to the crowd and only distanced hearts from Iman (faith or belief in Islam) by taking a polarizing and accusatory stance.
All change comes from God. From God also comes the Quran and our ability to reason. If we want to affect change, we need to properly implement the tools God has given us. If we fail to use the most basic tools granted by God, than we are not attempted to make legitimate change. We are acting rashly, disrespectful, and ignorantly.
From the Quran, we learn that God told the Prophet Musa (Moses) (A.S.) to approach the Pharoah gently. It is important that a Muslim be aware of his situation when forbidding evil and enjoining good. If one was to approach the Pharoah without gentleness, one would polarize the issue immeadiately and the Pharoah's heart would not incline towards Islam.
God was fully aware that the Pharoah would reject the message. This lesson to Musa (A.S.) however is a lesson to all of us. If we are commanded to approach the enemy of Islam gently, then how should one approach his own Muslim brother and sister?
Also from the Quran, there are many other passages of significant note. Here are two in particular:
Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwa (virtue, righteousness, and piety).
(5:2)
Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islam). (3:104)
These passages use the words "help" and "invite." It implies a sort of gentle and tactful approach. As Muslims, we must encourage each other and walk together as one so that we remain steadfast. We cannot condemn each other and create lines of division and polarization.
From our reason, we should all realize that standing in front of a wedding audience, in plain view and hearing of the bride and groom, is not the place to condemn the level of piety displayed at a wedding. Speak to the bride and groom seperately after the fact. Speak to the parents of the bride and groom seperately and in private. Speak to the guests in a smaller setting with kinder words which recognize the good and demonstrate constructive room for improvement.
In the end, God will change our hearts from goodness to evil and we ask that God preserve us. Our methodolgy should follow the path that is pleasing to God. That path is one which is gentle, helpful, encouraging, inviting, and not polarizing. None of us are perfect and we are all in this journy to struggle and strive together. All of humanity are one people and if we cannot learn to be gentle and tactful, as God has commanded, then we will forever be misleading each other.
And God knows best...
- Edge
Alhamdulillah. Agreed. All I wanted to ask the brother/speaker was this: Is it the sunnah to embarrass and humiliate two families?
ReplyDeleteI shoulda "gently" snatched the mic out of his hand.
ReplyDeletesay it how it is ikhwan... yeah.. i was disappointed.. I pray that Allah continues to instill humility and modesty into our hearts and to emanate from our actions. ameen.. YMCA haha
ReplyDelete